Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
