people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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