I'm really into asian looking animals
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
