She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
