He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
