3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
