i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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