Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
