I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
