I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
