i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
