And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Alive.
So much puke
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
