So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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