Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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