just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
