i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
