Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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