Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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