Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
