I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
