I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
