apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
