At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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