I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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