Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sobbing to NWA
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
