Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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