Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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