Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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