Already got asked if we're dating
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
