life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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