1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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