speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
