The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
