I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I need to align my fucking chakras
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
