Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
