when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
