Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize