she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
