dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
