i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
