You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
