Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
