i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
