I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
