Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
