It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Randomize
