I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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