My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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