shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
