Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
