JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
