I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
