There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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