oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize