The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
