so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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