Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
