I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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