New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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