Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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