No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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