There was a lot of him and a little penis
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
