I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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