I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
