On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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