Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
