bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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