I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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