Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
