It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
