we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
